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Lets Make It So I Can Breathe, Mkay? - Screaming Is Complicated... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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Lets Make It So I Can Breathe, Mkay? [Jul. 6th, 2005|08:26 pm]
All of a sudden, I feel like I need to get away. Just disapear off the radar for a little bit ;; get away from the townies and the melo-drama that consumes our lives. Because really, that's what it has done- consumed us. I feel like I cant think outside of what's going on these days, cant remember anything that doesnt make me want to rip my heart out so I dont have to feel it twist into angry knots anymore.

I was talking to Anna ealier, and what I said to her really just sums it all up, I think. I feel like I cant breathe when Im in town, but I feel like Im suffocating when Im away from town. Its bad when Im there, and worse when Im not. Really, I thwear I hate high-schoool. Just like I thwear Im not an em0 kiid. (Im sure you all believed that as much as I do.) Pretty sure if I can jsut disapear for a while, things could get better. Maybe I'll see if I can snag a flight back down to S. Fla for a bit. Crash at Uri's or Trisha's or someone's. Jackies, even. There are lots of places that I could stay at unconditionally. I dont have to think when Im in S. Fla. They do it all for me, Im jsut along for the ride... Maybe I'll go south for a bit... Maybe // but prolly not.

[edit] - aprox 4:45 pm

Right, so three rounds of pool alone, and then severly kicking my brothers ass and I was hoping that myhead would be a little bit clearer. But, wouldnt you know- Im still just as confused as ever. I miss people. I miss things. I miss feelings that I never wanted to have to begin with. But mostly: I miss him. (I swear, it's not who you think it is. Or maybe you're really smart && it is. In any case, it's not either of the obvious ones.) Sometimes I wish I could just... rewind life and fix things when I knew they need fixing but I was too afraid to do it. Go back and put people in their places because I know the consequence of trusting them too much now. But maybe its good for me that I fucked up, again. Maybe I was supposed to realize a bunch of things, and this is what I took to get the point across to me.

It's July now, and school starts again in August. There's still so much that I need to take care of, && only so much time for me to keep putting things off in.

I thwear... Maybe too much.

[end edit]